Been to the V.E.T.

Went to the vet today. I do like the little sausages she gives me, and seeing all the other animals that come in, some very funny little furry things in boxes called cats, that I have a strange desire to tear to pieces, and other dogs - there was an Irish Wolf Hound there today - he was so big and strong - I think I'm in love...

Anyway, she gave me the sausages as usual, and then she stabbed me twice in the neck, but I didn't cry. I AM feeling better though...

Pouring out of both ends...

For the last 2 days, I have been sick. As sick as a, well, a dog, I suppose...

I think it may have something to do with the spicy food they were eating. Master dropped quite a big piece of it on the floor - I think he said "Onion Bhaji," and it smelled so nice I got there before anyone had a chance to pick it up. I wolfed it down, and it tasted lovely, but then the afterburn kicked in, and I had to drink a whole bowl of water. Later that night, my stomach puffed up and started to feel very strange. I managed to hold on for ages, but finally the floodgates opened. I did a huge pile of poo by the back door, then for good measure I was sick on the floor by the cooker. I went back to bed feeling sorry for myself, then a few minutes later I was sick again under the kitchen table. Finally I was sick in my bed. By this time it was only bile coming up. I thought about eating some of it - I usually do eat my sick, but this stuff smelled so unpleasant I felt it would be better to leave it for mistress to clear up.

I haven't had much to eat since then, and no chance to write this blog, but I'm getting over it now. Can't wait for walkies and din dins....

Something terrible happened....

I heard water running upstairs, and the next thing I knew, master grabbed me and dragged me up to the white room, then dumped me in the water. He covered me with hot water - how they make it hot I don'tknow, but these humans have mysterious powers. Then he poured green smelly bubble stuff on, and rubbed it all in, so I couldn't smell myself any more, just the horrible green stuff. Some of it went up my snout and made me sneeze. I really wanted to shake, I tried but he held me still, and kept shouting "Don't shake!" at me. Then he blasted the bubbles off with a jet of hot water until it was running off me all over. Next he said "Melon and Pear" and poured some different smelly green stuff all over me. This liquid smelled so rank that I tried to shake it all off as quickly as I could, and some of the bubbles went all over Master. He didn't think it was very funny. He washed me all over, rinsed the worst of the smelly stuff off, and left me to drip.

Then he bundled me up in a towel, put me in little master's arms, and I was taken back downstairs. Little master gave me to Mistress, who set me free. Finally, I could shake! I shook all over Mistress, all over the kitchen, under the table, in the hall. Then I tried to get rid of the "Melon and Pear" smell that Master had poured all over me, by rubbing myself all over the floor upside down while growling at the smell to make it go away. It didn't work. I still stink of the stuff. As soon as they take me out I am going to rub myself in something really disgusting....

God damn it - I am so cool!

Just look at me - how cool am I? Supercool, chilled, the ice maiden, miss frosty - yeah! Oh, I am so damned cool it's unbelievable. It doesn't get any better than this.

Teased

Look what master makes me do...

He shows me some lovely tasy food, in this case, a piece of sweet gorgeous dried mango, then makes me do all sorts of tricks, like standing on my back legs, giving him my paw, then sitting, lying down and final humiliation, dying for the Queen. But hey, I'm a dog, he's offering me food, so I do it, of course! Any amount of humiliation is worth a treat! Finally, when he's had enough, he says "Go on then!" and I am allowed to eat the treat.

More tricks to follow.... watch this space

Abandoned...

Well, I thought nobody loved me any more, the whole family left while it was still night, and I sat here and howled until I got earache myself, and then went to sleep. After a long time, when I had given up on anyone coming, the door-noise started, then the beep-beep went on, and someone came in. It was Geraldine, the lovely lady from across the road, who I always jump up on with my muddy paws, and she never minds.

Did she make a fuss of me or what? She cuddled me, talked to me non-stop, gave me a lovely brushing until my coat shone all over, walked me, fed me. I had a fantastic time. Finally she had to go, and I was left on my own again. At least she bothered leaving the lights on forme this time, which Mistress never did.

I waited and waited and waited, but nobody came home. I could smell the night coming but nobody came. I went dark outside, the clock bonged 12 times, but still nobody came. Finally I fell asleep, but they woke me up arriving. I must admit, I did go a bit crazy when they came in, and mistress took me out for a short walk, then told me to go to bed. I don't think they love me any more.....

Where have they gone?

It was still night when they all went out, it's been light for ages, and there hasn't been a sound since - where could they be?

No Master to tease me, no mistress to make a fuss of me, no little Master to tease me, no little mistress to accidentally step on my tail, no little little master to cuddle me. Oh, I'm so lonely, I think I'll just have a good howl, and see if anyone comes...

Well, things just get stranger and stranger round here....

Last night I was taken out for a walk in the freezing cold, it was dark and slippery, and Mistress was wearing so many clothes that the only way I could recognise her was her scent. After we got back the lights went out and everyone disappeared earlier than usual, so I was left alone in the dark kitchen with that lovely meat smell (needless to say I never got any to eat...). I had a sniff around for a few minutes, got bored and went to my cage for a sleep.

Next thing I know, it's still the middle of the night, and they're all up for breakfast! Mistress drags me out for a walk, but at least it's not so cold, and most of the freezing white powder has disappeared - there's just a few patches of it here and there.. In fact, I have a theory about the white powder. I think a large pack of very naughty Great Danes, St Bernards and Irish Wolf Hounds must have made a terrible mess with the powder all around our house, and Master and Mistress have been out clearing it all up.

Anyway, still the middle of the night, and I come back from my walkies to find Master loading the car. Soon after, everyone walks out of the door, the beep-beep goes for a short while, and I am all alone again in the dark. Oh, my tail and whiskers, it's a miserable world......

Oh my tail and whiskers it's cold...

So cold, in fact, that I am not so keen on my walkies as usual. Master took me out into the garden today to have a quick run around, but I only went because I really needed the toilet so badly, I almost went on the floor again. And the white stuff goes yellow when I wee on it... strange.

Why have the humans done this to my park and paths? They are all powerful, I know, and can do amazing things like levitating me with one hand, making it daytime while it is still night by clicking one finger against the wall, and causing food to rain down on me from heaven, but this freezing whiteness has no useful purpose as far as I can see, and I am getting a bit fed up with it.

Little master was throwing balls of the white powder at me, and little mistress made a pile of it on the grass and dressed it up in her hat and scarf with a carrot sticking out of the top part. I think they have all gone a bit mad. I got back inside as soon as I could and hid in my cage all day until mistress got back, well after dark. Then, I have to admit, I went a bit mad, rolling on the floor and growling - it seems to be endearing to her and encourages her to make a fuss of me, so I'll keep doing it for a while....

Oh my mistress, the world's gone white...

What is going on?

I woke up as usual, but there was a funny smell in the air - I just couldn't place it at all. Probably Master and Mistress doing some strange human activity I don'tunderstand.

Master came downstairs, coughing and wheezing, and opened the back door for me. I was desperate to go for a wee, so I jumped down the step, only to find myself chest deep in freezing white powder! I sneezed a couple of times, because some of it got up my snout, and jumped straight back up the step, shaking the white powder off all over the kitchen floor. Master laughed, but I was freezing, I still needed to go, and couldn't understand why the world had turned white.

Mistress will sort it out. She is the only one that really cares for me, but she's still upstairs, and I am so in need of the toilet. Oh well, this corner will have to do.

Ahhh, that's so much better - a great weight off my mind, so to speak!

Here comes mistress, at last - she's got to clean up the poo and wee before we can go out. I really need a good run around, I've not had enough exercise for days.She's got the little bag with the treats.... her coat is going on...... oh yes, it's time - she's picked up the lead! Walkies!!!

But what is this? It's still all white outside, and my paws are freezing when I step on it.

Oh well, if it's OK for mistress to walk on... I'll have a go too.

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Hey! This is fun! If I run really fast, and try to stop, I just keep going!! I can roll around in it too, and although it's cold, it's really soft. There are little humans scooping up the white stuff and pressing it into balls, then throwing it at each other! I wonder if you can eat it? Oh, it's cold, but it's quite refreshing. There are none of the usual smells, either.

Oh dear, Mistress has just fallen over. It's OK, she's laughing - it is very slippery - I'm having to use my claws for traction control. Okay, I'm getting a bit cold now - time to go home I think. I wonder if I run really fast I'll be able to pull Mistress along... Food. Home. Warm. But most of all, food.....